Acceptance: How To Accept Reality As It Is?

Acceptance can be defined as the willingness to acknowledge and embrace one’s present experiences, including thoughts, emotions, and circumstances, without judgment or resistance. In psychotherapy, particularly approaches like acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), individuals learn how to accept reality as it is, opening to the reality of the present moment without judgment or avoidance. 

Instead of resisting or denying difficult emotions, accepting them allows for a deeper understanding of oneself. This process doesn’t negate the pain or problems one may be facing; rather, it encourages a compassionate engagement with those aspects of life.

In therapy, this approach helps people build resilience and adaptability. Rather than being consumed by the struggle against undesirable thoughts or emotions, acceptance invites a shift in perspective. It empowers people to engage with their values and take meaningful actions, even amidst discomfort.

In this article, we explore ways for you to develop a new approach to reality, with a particular emphasis on the practice of acceptance.

How to accept reality?

Reality isn’t always a joyous experience. Confronting problems, dealing with losses, and navigating challenging situations often prompt an instinct to evade the associated emotions. Yet, opting to escape may bring short-term relief but exacerbates issues in the grand scheme. It’s akin to sprinting with the hope that your legs won’t ache, all the while griping about the discomfort and altering your running style to minimize soreness. Ironically, this approach ultimately intensifies the pain in your legs over time.

Consider adopting an alternative perspective on pain—similar to acknowledging that discomfort is inevitable when embarking on a run, yet choosing to do it because it holds significance for you. What if you approached reality with the same acceptance? Let’s explore some ways to cultivate this mindset.

Recognize when you fight reality: Our brains, geared towards survival, perceive any potential disruption to the norm as a challenge. Change and uncomfortable emotions are unwelcome, and our minds excel at conjuring up catastrophic scenarios. Consequently, our brains drive us to adopt various strategies—avoiding feelings, suppressing thoughts, or overthinking in an attempt to preemptively solve imaginary future issues. The initial step to identifying when you’re resisting reality is to be mindful of your brain’s manoeuvres. Whether you’re attempting to distance yourself from thoughts or immersing deeper into them to unravel complexities, such behaviours—checking memories, mentally replaying conversations, fretting about potential future troubles, attempting to decode mysteries, engaging in recursive thinking, self-critiquing, or swapping negative thoughts with positive ones—all signify evasions and resistance to the current reality. Write down all the things you do, this information is valuable and the first step to accepting reality.

Evaluate whether any of your efforts to alter reality have yielded results: Have the methods mentioned or any others effectively transformed your reality in the long run? Do you experience lasting improvement in your well-being after employing these strategies? It’s conceivable that, before reaching this point, your brain may have endeavoured to resist reality. However, more often than not, these attempts at control prove to be ineffective. Recognizing the futility of battling reality can assist you in discontinuing these behaviours. Not only do they lack efficacy in effecting change, but they also reinforce the notion that things are awry, perpetuating your dissatisfaction with reality.

Stop seeking control: The desire for control often stems from discomfort with uncertainty and change. However, this constant pursuit of control can become counterproductive, especially when dealing with aspects of reality beyond our influence. Instead of facilitating acceptance, it often perpetuates a cycle of anxiety and frustration. The more we try to control, the more elusive acceptance becomes. To break free from this pattern, it’s important to recognize that certain facets of life are inherently uncontrollable. Embracing this truth doesn’t signify resignation but rather a shift in perspective. 

A helpful strategy is to focus on adapting and responding skillfully to the circumstances at hand rather than trying to manipulate them. To achieve this, it’s crucial to identify the actions you take to manipulate or exert control over your reality. What specific behaviours are you employing in an attempt to gain control? How do you try to alleviate unpleasant emotions? Pay close attention to these patterns of behaviour, and consciously decide to discontinue them. Observe what unfolds when you choose to cease these control-seeking behaviours.

Start by pretending that you accept reality: Even if you’re finding it challenging to completely accept reality, consider envisioning how your actions might change if you were to fully accept the present circumstances. What would your behaviour be like if you genuinely embraced things as they are? Contemplating and adjusting your actions to align with this “pretend acceptance” can be a practical way to bring about a genuine shift in your thoughts.

Cultivate a willingness to have your feelings: Would you struggle to accept reality if you were to feel neutral about your situation? The core of non-acceptance of reality often resides in our reluctance to embrace the emotions connected to the situation. Genuine acceptance of reality involves allowing your emotions to exist and providing them space to coexist. The struggle manifests as a desire for the anxiety to dissipate, whereas the acceptance of emotions manifests as an acknowledgement that “I am experiencing anxiety.” To build the willingness to embrace your emotions, the only step is to cease any struggle. It’s more about undoing than doing. Pay attention to your actions in trying to combat your emotions (e.g., are you Googling things, seeking reassurance, thinking positive thoughts to suppress negative ones, trying to solve a problem with the mind that created it, etc.) and consciously choose to put a halt to them. 

Practice gratitude: Embracing gratitude can serve as a powerful avenue for accepting reality. When we cultivate a practice of gratitude, we shift our focus from what might be lacking or challenging to acknowledging the positive aspects of our lives. Instead of resisting or struggling against the current circumstances, gratitude encourages us to recognize and appreciate the present moment. It involves consciously reflecting on the things, people, or experiences we are thankful for, regardless of the challenges we may be facing.

Consider incorporating simple acts of gratitude into your daily routine, such as keeping a gratitude journal, where you jot down things you are thankful for each day.

Meditate: Through meditation, people can develop an improved awareness of their thoughts and emotions. This heightened awareness provides a platform for acknowledging reality without judgment or resistance. Through consistent meditation, one can build the capacity to observe the present moment non-judgmentally, creating a sense of acceptance and tranquillity in the face of life’s uncertainties. This practice encourages a more open and compassionate relationship with the ever-changing nature of reality.

Recognise that problems are not good or bad: The evaluation of whether something is good or bad is often subjective and context-dependent. What may be a headache for one person could be a thriving business opportunity for another. Falling short of achieving a particular goal might redirect you towards a destiny you hadn’t considered. A breakup has the potential to become a catalyst for self-reinvention, and a loss can inspire ventures beyond your comfort zone. Consider: who’s to say that the current challenge you’re confronting won’t ultimately guide you towards a significantly improved life?

Trust that the dots will connect in the future: The human brain tends to recoil from uncertainty, yet it is within this unpredictability that the most profound adventures and opportunities for personal growth unfold. The key is cultivating trust, a belief that regardless of the circumstances, you will be okay. Trusting that the current events will eventually reveal their purpose and make sense in the future. It is about trusting yourself and trusting life.

Make sure you don’t use acceptance as a way to feel better: Many people instinctively resort to various methods to alleviate their discomfort. Frequently, they may mistakenly perceive acceptance as just another strategy to remedy their challenging circumstances. This, however, diverges from the essence of genuine acceptance, as it involves a departure from the inclination to combat the authenticity of one’s emotions. True acceptance demands a willingness to experience discomfort without attempting to swiftly rectify it. It’s about creating space for those emotions to exist, allowing them to unfold naturally. Authentic acceptance is not a means to escape from the intricacies of your feelings; instead, it’s a courageous embrace of the entirety of your emotional landscape.